J K Rowling Bracket
Elements:
Something found on a deceased body that would be an embarrassment to the family
Told from the point of view of an interview of someone not yet born
Authors:
E. Chris Garrison, Colin Foote Burch, A. Francis Raymond
Reality Show Captives![A Francis Raymond]()
A. Francis Raymond
Tonight’s interview is with Brulyz from Planet Usuana in Continuum Sector 5 on the latest episode of the hit reality show “Live and Die as an Alien.”
“This is my second time with the humans. I’m due to be born in a few days.
“My first time around was fun, if you saw that episode a few seasons ago. The humans have a lot going on, so it’s easy to stay entertained.
“I know all about the rumors floating around that I’m being forced into appearing on the show, but that simply isn’t true. The producers have been really good to me and the rest of my family.
“I’m back on the show because I need to find my brother. He was a contestant last season, and well… he hasn’t returned.”
***
It took almost 27 years for Jon Tipton, known as Brulyz to the viewers of “Live and Die as an Alien,” to find Mike Willey. In the last 10 years, Jon became quite proficient at utilizing the human’s computer infrastructure and was able to track Mike down by following a trail of social media posts and news articles that relayed police activity. Apparently, Mike had a long criminal history that involved raging outbursts.
Jon was able to correlate all the data, with the help of a computer, and deduced that 42-year-old Mike Willey was indeed Zalzt, Jon’s brother. The producers of the show would neither confirm nor deny Jon’s findings; doing so would lessen the drama for their viewers.
“You’re a lunatic,” Mike exclaimed. He shoved past Jon and headed down the city street. “I’m not your brother, and I’m no stinkin’ alien,” he called back over his shoulder.
Jon ran after him. The moment he caught up to Mike, the two of them were near a man sitting on a stoop with a bottle of liquor. The stranger cracked his knuckles.
That noise. That gritty popping noise was the one that set Mike off.
Mike pulled out a knife he kept in his jacket pocket. Mike and Jon grappled at each other, but Mike lost his footing and fell on his knife.
That should have been the end of it. Zalzt’s essence should have returned to the Continuum right then. But Jon knew it didn’t happen. His brother’s essence wasn’t present. Jon lifted up Mike’s shirt and examined the wound. Next to it was a tattoo of the word “CALM.” Jon jumped back, startled. This wasn’t his brother. No self-respecting Usuana-ite would ever do that to their body, their own or borrowed.
***
“This will be my third time with the humans. I’m due to be born tomorrow. If you saw last season, you’ll remember that I didn’t find my brother so they’re letting me compete again.
“The producers? They’re awesome. They were even willing to give me a slight clue this time. Yes, I said this before, I am here of my own free will. Yeah, luckily there are several billion humans so I can keep at this until I find the right one. It’s in my contract.”
Family Reunion![Eric Garrison]()
E. Chris Garrison
The beautiful ghost appeared at the foot of my bed at 12:01am on my 50th birthday. She wore a spacesuit.
I sat up and my shoulder popped. “This can’t be real.”
She winced. “Don’t do that, Gran.”
“Gran?” I rubbed my eyes. She remained.
“Gran Robert. Mom’s dad.”
I squinted at her luminous, transparent form. “Huh. You do look like Ash, but she hasn’t got a daughter.”
“Um, she’s pregnant, in your time.”
I tilted my head to one side and my neck let out a crack; she cringed again.
“Please, Gran. That noise, it’s so vish.”
“Vish?”
“Vi-scer-al,” she said, like a kindergarten teacher. “Gross. Biological.”
“So the sounds of the living bother ghosts?”
She laughed. “I’m not dead, you…” She coughed and hid her face. “Sorry. Sorry, oh I’m so sorry! I live in your future, and you’re… well, you’re in my past.”
“A time-travelling ghost! Now I know I’m dreaming.”
She smiled and shrugged. “I’m a time tourist. Physical time travel isn’t possible, but we can… what’s your word for it? Television in to visit. You know, Skype.”
“So if you’re Ash’s daughter, tell me something you couldn’t know otherwise.”
“At your funeral. Um, sorry. Anyway, back then, mom told me they found a certain tattoo on your left thigh.” She couldn’t look at me.
“What’s wrong with The Bangles?”
“Ugh, oh God, Gran. I’m sorry I brought it up.”
“So. You’re for real. Let’s get a look at you.” I slid from under the covers and as I stood, my trick knee cracked like a cap gun. The ghost clapped her hands over her ears and moaned.
“Sorry, can’t help being vish, I’m old. It’s my birthday.”
She took a couple deep breaths and nodded. “Yes, sorry, I’ve got a condition barely understood in your time. Ordinarily, Facebook filters out all the vish for me, it helps me cope.”
“Aha, so they still got Facebook in the future?”
She nodded, eyes widening. “Oh yes. Facebook is everything. It is our world. It’s better than our world. We live there.”
I rolled my eyes at the ghost. “Psh. When I was a kid, we didn’t have Google. We didn’t have computers. Everything was vish.”
She made the same face Ash made as a little girl when I’d made her eat asparagus. “That’s what the history blogs say. I choose to live virt. Completely virt-u-al.”
“Like, inside the internet?”
She grinned. “I know, right?”
My turn to make that face.
“So you came to learn about your old Gramps, eh?”
She shook her head. “No, not really. Just to meet you. I know everything about you already.”
“What? Nonsense.”
“Sure. Once Facebook banished secrecy and everything opened up, we all know as much as we want about everyone. And you’re my favorite relative.”
“But I don’t know you!”
She sighed. “And you never will. Happy birthday, Gran.” She blew me a kiss and vanished.
And then my chest seized; my world became very vish before all went dark.
Granddad’s Shade![Colin Foote Burch]()
Colin Foote Burch
CHRONOS, GREEK GOD OF HISTORY: Because you’re a disembodied spirit, I’d like to learn exactly what you were able to observe of this strange event. But first let me clarify: When were you assigned to your grandfather’s earthly existence?
SHADE: I can’t remember. At some point, I realized I had become like a kite on a short sting behind my grandfather. I was told I would be closely tethered to him until an unannounced time when I will be brought into a body and the sensory world.
CHRONOS: When did your assignment to your granddad change?
SHADE: Today, in the earthly sense of the word. My grandfather was driving his truck on a highway. His radio blared country music. He started bouncing his legs and looking around. He only saw pine forest along the road. He began to squirm.
Then granddad slowed and jerked the truck onto the gravel parking lot of an unoccupied fruit stand at a roadside notch in the pines.
He left the pickup running and music blaring. He hobbled over to a portable toilet.
Not a soul around. He stopped to knock anyway.
Then, with a cursory inspection of the seat, his bare rear slapped down as the spring-loaded door slammed.
He sighed and muttered. He plucked a cigarette from his shirt pocket and lit it up.
CHRONOS: That’s not telling me when your assignment changed.
SHADE: Well, soon after. Right after granddad had squatted and lit up, the door opened and we saw a boy, maybe 8 years old.
They stared at each other. Ribbons of smoke floated out. Then the boy let the door slam. A shuffling sound came from the tree line.
Granddad cleaned himself as quickly as he could and tossed the cigarette into the toilet.
As he stepped onto the gravel, the boy was glaring at him, barely three feet away.
“Well, hello, kiddo,” granddad said.
The boy pulled a fishing knife from his belt and shoved it into granddad’s belly.
He twisted his wrist and yanked out the knife.
Then he ran for the tree line.
Granddad gaped for a moment. Then he staggered after the boy.
The boy wove through ten yards of pines and stopped.
Granddad stumbled to his palms and knees. He rose and held his side.
CHRONOS: But what about the boy?
SHADE: Granddad could just lift his head to see.
The boy was crawling into a cage. Three men, each with cotton shoved into his ears, closed the cage and lifted it, one on each end and another on the left side. The boy seemed content, although one of the men was smoking, and the boy waved his hand at a puff of fumes.
CHRONOS: So why did you appeal to Zeus for special assistance?
SHADE: Before I was sent to my father, I saw the police arrive. They made detailed notes of everything. They found the cigarettes, and they found his business cards for his role as Chairman of the National Lung Donor Network.